Leaders easily provide comfort to people in adversity yet find themselves grappling with pain at various moments in their leadership. When a leader hurts, the impact goes beyond their private lives to others in and around their lives. Like a pilot flying a passenger aircraft, the captain in the cockpit must not lose themself because so much is at stake. When grief is handled well it builds credibility for the leader, empowers them to help others, and enhances the leadership journey for the leader, the led, the organization, and the community at large. Grief badly managed often shipwrecks the leader with untold collateral damage carried in its wake.

King David’s painful loss of his child and subsequent grief, all of which emanated from his own leadership failings, teaches us to:

1. Manage Our Own Emotions

Whilst all grief is temporary, our response to it may permanently damage us and others. David’s getting up and bathing represents the leader’s need to control their emotional state in grief. This is because an unstable David is a destabilized palace, which would lead to disaster in Israel. This situation would play into the hands of their ever-present foes and threats. Self-control is critical as it shields the leader from dangers such as bitterness, anger, and hopelessness as well as decisions or utterances that may be harmful.

2. Find Strength in God

In his grief, David’s hasty retreat to the house of God is an example which any leader must follow. When in pain, we must find strength and comfort in the secret place. Neglecting the secret place is a common error that grieving leaders make. It may give birth to scandals like sexual immorality, alcoholism, substance abuse, disastrous decisions, suicide, among a raft of grief induced failings. In His moment of deep anguish, Jesus found strength as He prayed in Gethsemane. This would help Him to face a restive crowd a few moments later. In a similar context, Peter resorted to violence having failed to follow the example of his Master.

3. Mind Those That Look Up to You

Like David, many leaders do not always have the easier option of grieving in private. His subordinates in the palace intently watched King David’s response to a painful experience. Chances are that he had no appetite, yet he insisted on eating. This is not hypocrisy but rather a much-needed show of strength and stability. This undoubtedly earned their trust which would be vital in future wars or adversity. His measured response to their questions later shows us the value of wisdom in our speech whenever we hurt. In grief, we must be mindful of those around us—our words and actions will always impact them.

In conclusion, it is important for leaders to navigate the process of grief  by using self-control to manage their emotions. Secondly, they must find strength in God through moments of prayer in the secret place. After this, they must be mindful of their words and actions to their followers.